I think she's avoiding me.

I have this strange feeling that she's avoiding us because this time she cancelled on us.

So this face-to-face discussion just doesn't seem like it will happen.

The good thing this has done us is that it has put the zest to make it as a duo back in our hearts and we are once again concentrating on our music. Every bad has at least 10 goods with it. That's what I always say and that is true. Some consolation.

Thanks

I know I know! I did consider that possibility but what bugs me is what can she gain from it coz I never was as close to 'B' as I was to 'A'!

And it's not just to 'A' she has been saying these stuff to but also to another one of my friends whom I met yesterday with 'A' and my cousin. And this third friend is just a friend! I've known her for years too but we were never close. Just movie buddies and shopping buddies. And for the latter I usually get dragged on these spontaneous shopping sprees!

As for the confronting part? 'A' and I are both going to come Sunday. Like I told 'A', Sunday could be the make all or the break all. Permi me to use the cliche-ed phrase! Aash I think knows who I'm talking of. But I know you won't say anything.

Problem Bru is that even if she does explain herself I can never trust her! I mean whenever she speaks to me I will probably keep asking myself is she lying or is she being truthful. Gosh! It's horrible having distrust in a good friend.

However, as far as I can see, there has been ONE good thing that's come out of this whole mess. When I am angry, frustrated, confused and basically full of negative feelings, I start to clean u my room. So my room is now spick and span. Next on my list of things to do is to get rid of everything I have accumulated inside my desk cupboard.

I really hope that everything works out and there are no more loose ends dangling. Disappointment and I don't go well together. It inspires bitterness in me and that is not a very nice thing to see - in me especially!

What does one do???

What does one do when one finds out that the past year and a half has been nothing but an illusion? What does one do when one finally is made to realise that the friends one thought were true were nothing but empty and an utter and complete lie?

My weekend began in the most exciting manner. I had Onstage to look forward to that night and I was of course hoping the band I was supporting would win! And they did finally. Yeah, Soulskinner. And of course the next day I was going to meet my 2 best friends for lunch and basically spend the whole day together.

Let me tell you about these two. My oldest and closest and bestest friend whom I shall call 'A' I've known for more than 8 years! She has been there for me through thick and thin. And trust me, that has been quite a bit of work for her! My other friend 'B' I've known for more than 4 years and the 3 of us have basically been like the 3 musketeers. All for one and one for all! Our friendship has been a strong one. From the time we were in school.

Suddenly last Sunday I found out that 'B' has been going behind my back and portraying me as such a No.1 Bitch to 'A' and that also, during the past year and a half my other so-called friends with whom I worked, have been telling things about me to 'B' to make her change her mind about me; and that certain other people have also been saying such monumental lies about me and what I've been upto during my 'spare time' that that alone would be enough to make anyone jump off the first bridge they come across! Not that I'm going to do that because one of my friends recently killed himself and I'm anti-suicide! But that's beside the point.

What does one do when such 'revelations' have been made to oneself? Thank GOD for 'A' who had the guts to tell me the stuff 'B' had been coming and telling her including all the rest that all the others had been saying about me! Or else I still would be considering ALL of them as my friends! I can't believe that this has happened. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE ANY OF THIS! Trust me. If I had been in her shoes I probably would have tried to spare her of the truth. That woman has more courage than I!

Why would she do this and say all the things she has said? Doesn't our friendship count for anything? Does it even count for at least peanuts??? I guess it doesn't.

What do I do? Anyone who is reading this PLEASE GIVE ME AN ANSWER! I desperately need one. I just can't handle this. I trusted her so much! And I trusted all those others too. And this is what I get for trusting people! How could 'B' ESPECIALLY let anything or anyone influence her heart? Was she that unsure of me? Was I such a bad friend? I guess I was. I guess I was...

Please forgive my rather long silence. Have been rather busy lately. After Sunday of course I just wasn't in the mood...

Women and wanting "Perfectness"

Yesterday as I sat with a friend in a bus after work I listened to her as she updated me on her life and her 2 sisters. What struck me was that all of them seemed to have found the man to be with for the rest of their lives. My friend is actually her younger sister, so I already knew about her. But here I was being told that the older sister was getting married next year and the one in the bus was going to in about 2 years and my friend? Gosh! Maybe she would be too in about 3 years!

I guess they had achieved what every woman fantasizes about achieving - a perfect marriage after the often deceiving courtship years. Afterall, being married means being more or less stuck to each other right?

Well...I certainly am happy for all three of them considering the hardships they had to go through. They certainly deserve all the happiness they can get!

As for moi...I'm still content with being more or less single. That's what long-distant relationships do to a person! He's there and you're here so YOU BOTH are more or less single! That is when temptation is rife too might I add...

Perfectness is just an idea. Each person's idea of perfect will vary. That's for sure. So the trick, ladies, is finding a man who's ideas co-exist with yours!

GOOD LUCK TO THAT!

Not everyone is so lucky as to find that!

Reply to Aash

I can still meet them and look them in the eye and talk to them normally. But it is they who are having the difficulty of doing so. MD avoided coming into the reception the day I went there, after opening the door and seeing me there. So, to me, that suggests a certain amount of guilt playing on his conscience. For exactly what I can only fathom but not be positive of.

The future is hidden. The path has already been laid out under our feet but it is not for us to know. Only God has that right. Therefore we must look at it as a challenge.

We must try not to let our wariness of the future prevent us from getting ourselves out of a rut in the present. That's just not going to work. They say that with every bad comes at least 10 good. So think of it in that way. Things could get worse and things could get better. But always remember that when things become worse they can't get any worse. Which means they can only get better!

Philosophy of life.

And a person can be called a quitter only when he decides to not do anything about changing the way his life is going. Not to someone who wants to leave one place to go for better prospects!

So, remember this. Life is all about taking chances. And just because you quit one situation to start another one doesn't mean you are a quitter in the TRUE sense of the word.

As for my bravery...I thank you for thinking that I am brave. Although I can't be sure at times because in my opinion being brave constitutes having confronted him face to face. That is one regret I have. If I could change one thing about that last day when they CREATED the opportunity to tell me everything they wanted, it would be my cowardice for not having CREATED the opportunity for myself to say all I want.

Having said all that I repeat what I said earlier. LEAVE AS SOON AS YOU CAN. Think of the many times he has 'spoken' to you and not bothered to hear your side of the story. If for simple matters he (or rather they) refuse to listen to your side, what do you expect them to do if a more serious situation arises? Think about that.

Remember this also. The Place's reputation still has not been destroyed by their petty acts. Therefore make maximum use of that and use The Place as a stepping stone for your future.

Why is it difficult to leave a work place?

Why must we feel guilty about leaving our work place? Afterall, we owe them nothing! It's as simple as receiving something in return for your services. Economics!

Therefore Aash, please don't stick around there for long. Coz the longer you stay on the harder it becomes to leave. Not only because of emotional attachments but also because of the BOSSES! They pile you with work and they make you feel as if you would be nothing if not for them taking a risk on you and blahblahblah! CRAP!

All your achievements have been purely through YOUR own hard work and YOUR dedication and YOUR luck! Not theirs So don't be fooled.

LEAVE AS SOON AS YOU CAN!

People on sexuality

Recently I was watching a forum on TV where many of society's more well-known public figures who are open about their sexuality were being interviewed.

It was nice to see that at least one TV station was brave enough to address this issue. There are many in society who either misunderstand or choose to understand and yet discriminate people who have different sexual preferences to most others. I mean!

What happened to all the preachings of open-mindedness? And accepting people for who they are?

Afterall, if we can accept immature men who go all goo-goo-gaa-gaa over exposed legs below the knee, why can't we accept people who are gays or lesbians or bisexuals?

Truly sad how some can be open-minded on some issues and so close-minded on others...

Hi Val!

Hi Val...

WOW! I didn't think anyone would agree with my rather out-of-the-box ideas!

Couples in public transport

Well...things seem to be back to a state of normalcy again...but when could one ever say that huh?

I am a frequent bus commuter. Since I have no personal vehicle and do not think I can afford the luxury of even a small car (what with international oil price hikes and all that!) I often am provided with the eye-sore of either sitting next to a smoochy lovey-dovey couple or right in front or right behind!

And sad are those days when I am unfortunate enough to be stuck like that. But one must tolerate anything just to get a seat in our crowded buses!

Has anyone ever noticed how territorial members of a couple can get? In the case of guys, it's as bad as raising their leg and peeing on the lamp-post (like dogs do...in case you didn't get the comparison!) and the GIRLS?!?! Talk about INSECURITY! The moment they see you calmly, minding your own business, oblivious to the rest of the world and walking towards them, the girl grabs the arm of the guy and hangs on to him for dear life! Lest he should fly away like a little fly I suppose!

It makes me wonder. Are we girls so insecure of our capabilities of ensnaring a guy that we hang on to the one we have and don't let go? Even if he isn't the best match for us?

Aren't there enough fish in the sea?

Or maybe it's our conception of an ideal marriage or relationship (fuelled by the many Barbra Taylor Bradford and Danielle Steele novels and movies) that makes women so desperate! On the other hand most guys just want to be able to say, "I have a girlfriend and boy! Is she a hottie!"

MIGHT I STRESS - MOST GUYS...NOT ALL!

I suppose it is basic animal instinct in all of us! To mean territorial I mean! Not boastful! Or who knows? Maybe being boastful is another animal instinct we all have?

FRUSTRATED MEN?? Or what?!?

Ok, a few days ago I had a spooky experience.

Everyday, I have to walk from the junction about 1/2 km to my office. The road is never lonely but it can get quiet on the shortcut I take. But still...there are school vans parked.

Anyway, one day I was walking as usual SMSing Seuwi when I realised a van was travelling parallel with me at my speed. At first dense old me didn't take any notice but then something told me to take notice.

I looked straight inside and he must've taken note coz he sped off! And boy was I glad to see him drive off. But then he was back the next day as well. This time he followed me in his white van for quite a distance in plain sight of all the people on the road and when he moved off it was because another vehicle came and started honking like mad! And when I thought I was ok, I turned the bend in the road and saw he wasn't there, but then I noticed he had parked the van between two other vans! The nerve of the bloody ass-hole! (Pls excuse the language...)

Is this how desperate men are these days in the island of gems and perverts? Is there some sort of shortage in prostitutes? And have Sri Lankan men never seen a pair of legs exposed KNEE DOWNWARDS!?!?!?

PLEASE!! Someone put on a leg show for these asses! As if exposing the tummy and midriff while wearing the saree isn't sexy! Where do they think they get off?!!?

Why can't a woman wear something without allowing what men might do dictate her decision??

Someone please put a stopper in the perverted minds of these unintelligent, immature, boys (ranging from the age of 16 - 60!)

"Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned"

Adapted from the play "The Mourning Bride" by William Congreve, this is a popular saying used by the male species to describe angry females.

However, how many WOMEN agree with that phrase? Many staunchly disagree with this but personally I don't mind saying that William Congreve sure knew what he was writing about in the late 1600s and early 1700s. What do you say?

Leave your comments please.

By the way... in case you're wondering... I am a woman. But I'm sure that will not stop those eager to leave comments!

LEFT-HANDERS

Ok. I am a left hander and am VERY proud of it. BUT but but.... what I do hate most is how people look at me funnily when they notice that I am either writing or eating with my left hand.

Therefore...a general announcement. I WASH MY ASS WITH MY RIGHT HAND! thereby not allowing myself to eat myown shit.

From the time I was small I have had aunts, uncles, cousins, non-relations teachers and what not comment on my writing side. Like HELLO! Wy should the hand I write or eat with bother anyone if it does not bother me?

This is what is called narrow-mindedness - ladies and gentlemen of the world...

"Words of Wisdom"

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts


I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.


I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

Thank you Haseena. It helped put a some things in perspective

Wednesday's Story

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

"Everything happens for a purpose. We may not see the wisdom of it all now, but trust and believe in the Lord that everything is for the best."

The way to be anxious about nothing is to be prayerful about everything.

Thank you Haseena for sending me that. It truly helped put a lot into perspective.

:-)

Wednesday

Very sorry for the long delay in updating. The past few days have been pretty hectic.

The baby was born on Friday night. She's angelic. So quiet and satisfied... At least she seems to be. Both mum and daughter are fine. The dad got a chance to go into the theatre in spite of the fact that it was a caesarean.

One can only feel love for her because she is so adoringly lovely. The birth of this child only reaffirms my maternal feelings and the desire to one day have a child of my own. LEGALLY of course!! (So sorry... Couldn't resist breaking the serious trend :) )

As for the rest of my life... everything is hunky dory so far. Who knows... You all might just get a desperate SOS from me tomorrow.

Also READ THE NEXT POST FROM ME. It is inspiring. Haseena thank you.

"NEW BEGINNING FRIDAY"

That's what I'm going to call tomorrow 30th July 2004. Why?
 
Well... for one... tomorrow I'm going to be starting intermediate level guitar classes with Derrick Wickremanayake of Wildfire!
 
And... for a second... my new niece is going to be born. Tomorrow night actually. Cool huh??
 
I'm looking forward to this. My only hope is that her older brother (who's about 1 3/4 yrs old) will not feel any jealousy. So far he's been good giving her kisses throught the mum's tummy and naming her "Bambi". But one can never say with kids...
 
Expectations may be the ruin of me one day... but I'm absolutely excited about tomorrow.
 
 

Reply to Anonymous

True I suppose... I'm also just beginning to realise there are a few good men....Hahaha...
 
Oh well... What to do.. We women just might continue to have high expectations of everyone they meet...
 
By the way... what can be done t remedy the bad qualities being attributed to BOTH sexes because of the actions of a few undesirables?
 
Any suggestions people???
 
Pls reply..

No Men!

A friend of mine has been complaining that the type of men she's interested in (the slightly older and mature kind, not any younger than 6 years with a sense of humour but also deep understanding) are either married or going to get married. What do you say to that?
 
FEEDBACK PLEASE !!!
 

My new workplace

My new workplace is of course good since I'm working with family. I miss my old colleagues  but not my bosses. I miss teaching and I miss the atmosphere, which cannot be recreated since they aren't there. So cheers and may life treat you good.

BOSSES SUCK!!!

Bosses officially suck!!! All they ever do is take maximum out of you and when finally you decide to leave they make the last few days as impossible as they can ever get!! Is there some sort of unspoken rule among managements worldwide that they should office life miserable during an employees last days in the office? Does this unspoken rule also require that they forget everything that the employee has ever done for the organisation? If that is the case everywhere, then it is definitely official. Bosses suck!

Sure is sad.... whatever said and done...